I never thought Taco Bell would be my respite
Call me inhuman, but this was only the second time I've ever had Taco Bell.
What a week. My brain and my heart feel like they’ve been through a meat grinder. “What?” becomes the only word I say in all my interactions.
I go to Taco Bell. For a few hours, my weary mind finds peace, entranced by the surfers bobbing up and down on the cresting waves. I sit on the beach there with my dog, Sunny, and my friend, Laura, as we sip our margaritas, too tired to talk but finding comfort in easy company.
This particular Taco Bell is a bit special—it’s the Taco Bell Cantina in Pacifica, CA. Similar to a Starbucks Reserve, these offer options not commonly available, such as shareable appetizers and alcoholic beverages. This especially beloved one also provides beach access.
I have a friend who used to joke in college that on his worst nights he would miraculously end up at Taco Bell without fail. I don’t think I’ve ever had that relationship with Taco Bell—I wasn’t exposed to it growing up and therefore never came to associate it with comfort, but today I empathize with the Taco Bell fans in my life.
Empathy. I didn’t know I still could muster such a thing, not after all the chaos this week. Outside of the endless doomscrolling that dominated my week, I had a vicious fight with my Trump-supporting mother that left me full of anger and incapable of interacting with her afterward, let alone make amends or empathize. I was saddened because empathy is a skill I’ve been trying so hard to work on, but this week I learned that my empathy has a limit, that I have a wall that I refused to go around. This realization left me feeling broken. I know it doesn’t make sense to compare eating Taco Bell to any topic of gravity, but this feeling at least reminds me that the part of me that seeks to understand is still alive, even after this week. It gives me hope that I can still do more work here.
For now, I let these thoughts go. They can consume me some other day. Today, I’m just accepting this—this beach, this friend, this space, and this Crunchwrap Supreme—as a respite I’ve managed to find.
featured
Taco Bell Cantina
covid considerations
To-go orders only; outside dining areas are closed but you can eat on the beach behind it. You can order online via the app but for alcohol, you must go inside and order on kiosks. Employees enforce social distancing while waiting but at peak times the restaurant can still get crowded. Food is served in sealed paper bags and drinks are served with lids, but delivery is not contactless.
food and environs
The menu is the same as regular Taco Bell, with the exception of alcoholic beverages which are just their soft drink slushies with a shot of liquor (or two, or three) in them. This Taco Bell offers a scenic dining deck (currently closed) with gastropub-esque seating and fireplace, although you can always eat on the beach.
accessibility and amenities
This Taco Bell is right off the CA-1 and offers abundant parking not only in its own lot but also in the two adjacent public beach lots. The grass patch in the front also offers parking for vehicles of all sorts (including surfboards). There are plenty of ramps and the restaurant is even pet-friendly (Sunny was very excited). Public restrooms and showers nearby make this an easy beach to picnic at.
weekly shares
read
My visceral initial reactions to Wednesday’s events, packaged within a very personal story of the awful fight I had with my mom. It almost became this week’s newsletter, before I decided to stick with a lighter tone. I originally wasn’t going to publish this at all, but a lucky friend who caught an initial draft of this at 3 a.m. encouraged me to share my vulnerable side... so here it is, in full messiness.
listen
The Daily’s Jan 8 update takes a closer look at how Trump supporters organized the storming of the Capitol via social media and what drove them to do so. I am not a sympathizer but it does show a different side of the story which helped me in processing both 1) law enforcement’s delayed response to arresting the protestors and 2) Big Tech’s social media bans of Trump and alt-right platforms.
That’s it for this first update! Thank you so much for reading. If you have thoughts, suggestions, or feedback to share, I’d love to discuss with you—just reply to this email or reach out in a message.