It almost feels that as soon as I committed to publishing my writing, all sources of inspiration of stories just dissipated. The fear of "failure" to me became paralyzing—what if my content is uninteresting or self-important? Or worse, cringe? More than most people, I'm sensitive to the judgments of others, frequently perceiving a lack of overt validation as direct rejection. I'm not proud to admit this, but when faced with something scary where I could potentially be rejected and "fail" by putting myself out there—I tend to turn around and rationalize in some way that I've made the right decision by playing it safe.
I've seen this loop play out in a few other areas in my life over the past few weeks. Some of you know that I've picked up a new project at work regarding one of our homegrown systems, which also involves working with Engineering and Product to troubleshoot and implement fixes—which I had no prior experience in but was excited to work on, albeit a bit nervous. A couple of you also know that I'm figuring things out with a boy that I like, an area that I do have prior experience in yet still am equally intimidated by.
A favorite dessert in the Wu household is tiramisu, which was somehow requested 3 times in the past month. However, when most people hear that I frequently make it instead of purchasing it, I get reactions like "Wow, isn't tiramisu super difficult to make?" or "Oof, DEDICATION, that sounds like so much effort." While those two statements are both wildly untrue, I think tiramisu isn’t intuitive to make and therefore seems intimidating (and therefore, fancy!) as a dessert. At least, that’s what I thought the first time I made tiramisu in middle school for my dad’s birthday. That… abomination was pretty inedible (I didn’t research and used cream cheese because I thought it could be a substitute for mascarpone. Narrator: It was not a substitute.)
However, that was before I learned how I approach unfamiliar situations, by analyzing the components and what I have on hand and then figuring out where to go from there based on what I know I want in the end-state. Years later, when I was feeling brave again, I used this new approach to have another go at this recipe and was surprised at how easy and fast it was. When broken down into its basic components—mascarpone cheese and coffee-soaked ladyfingers, layered atop one another, the dessert sounds much less formidable. There isn't even any baking necessary—only assembly—which makes it easier to make than cookies or cake.
How many things in life sound scary, but when broken down into their fundamental components seem not only doable but easy? Or if I ask myself what the ingredients or base assumptions are, can I find a new way to approach the situation and at least figure out what my next steps should be? Moreover, while I can make a dessert on my own, I have to remind myself that I won’t face every challenge alone. I'm thankful for all my friends and teammates supporting me, whether by checking in on me to see how I'm doing, being a sounding board or place to vent, or rooting for my success. Of course, while these scenarios might still intimidate me, I want to face them with enough courage and direction to continue taking the next step.
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Tiramisu
Tiramisu is a classic coffee-flavored Italian dessert; I think it almost always tastes better after an overnight in the fridge. It’s also excellent as a frozen dessert!
link to my favorite online recipe, but I make a few modifications:
add 1/2 cup whipping cream to mascarpone base before whipping.
add 2 tbsp Grand Marnier to mascarpone base (I find it tastes brighter than rum, which is more traditional). You can also add some to the coffee if you’re so inclined 😏
Can I also just share that I love that this food blog has a "jump to recipe" button at the very top? That's a CTA button every blog should have. (The irony is not lost on me, but you're not here just for the recipe, right? 🥺) The recipe is basic but if you want to be fussy, she also details substitutions and alternatives, which I really like.
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Gimlet's Reply All is one of Spotify's most popular podcasts. Recently, they set out to do an exposé on Bon Appetit's culture and environment and how it alienates people of color after last year's scandal... only to have the tables turned on themselves via a viral Twitter thread, which led to them releasing an apology of their own and letting go of two of their chiefs this week. What a wild ride—can someone please talk to me about this?
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One of my best friends, Sian Ye-Chung, just started a Youtube channel on personal finance and financial literacy and launched her first video, which explains stocks and bonds. Her goal is to make personal finance accessible to everyone, and she uses simple analogies to make otherwise somewhat scary concepts easier to digest. Sian's an excellent teacher and as someone who works in finance, I really enjoy how she explains things.
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It’s been difficult for me to absorb the news regarding the recent violence toward the Asian-American community, but I really appreciate the messages that checked in to ask how I’m doing. While I too am incensed by any type of injustice, I’ve been slower at processing this time around. If you have any resources that you found helpful to interact with the news, please share them with me.